Monday, 3 May 2010

I love Robocop by Maverick99sback

When I was younger Mum and Dad used to "vet" films for me. I have no idea why they called it that, either. The long and the short of it is that this led to me drawing a picture in my History book. (Not dissimilar to THESE!). It was dedicated to "Braveheart", which I may have seen a little before my 15th Birthday. Mrs Candell (remember her Buncy?), called my parents in, and that was a defining moment in my life. I realised there and then, I could butcher the school, or grow up. I'm joking. (I'm not). I'm still growing up, and chose writing in my school books, rather than drawing. DoodleBuddy has bought it all back for me now. Not so clever now are you, Mrs Candell? I know where you live. Anyway.

I love "Robocop". I remember doing a school play in primary school. It was a version of the fairy tale with the beanstalk. I was a computer. It was a Broadway success, but I blew all my money, and ended up writing for GC for free. And the occasional choc chip cookie. Anyway. I channelled the voice of Peter Weller, (NOT Paul Weller, as I used to think - which would've been even cooler. Especially in his Style Council days). Anyway. The line that the fans came to see (they didn't), was...

"which game do you require?"
 *cue stunned silence*
 *then applause*

I delivered it, with such vigour, and panache, that audiences, the world (or school) over, knew I was in fact Peter Wellers love child. I was probably six or seven, and if the Adults in the audience actually thought about it, they would be sickened I had seen "Robocop", but here lies the story...

Dad was better at "vetting" films than Mum. I remember Mum getting "Dangerous Liaisons" (why was I even wanting to see that piece of shit?), and "Lock Up" wrong on the same weekend. And when I say "wrong", I mean FF (fast forward, people. This was the all or nothing days of VHS!) to the scenes I shouldn't be watching. It was almost a skill. She would FF the slow bits, and get to Stallone electrocuting someone with noting but water and electricity. (Don't worry kids, Stallone* gets a post of his own. Soon!) When it came to "Robocop", to this day, I'm sure there was mis-communication. I'm not even sure most 18 year olds are ready for it. But was I going to say "No, Mum. I refuse to watch this ultra-violent slice, of Paul Verhoeven magic"? No, readers. I was not. So... We had the most brutal film, maybe to this day, I've ever seen. Locked in. I didn't burn the school down. I'm still here. And only slightly unhinged. Ethan will need to see this one behind my back though. I still watch it with my hands over my eyes. Loving every minute. Its probably the best comedy of all time. Certainly the most satirical. And don't start me on the comic. I managed to get my hands on that, too.

WHATS WRONG WITH ME??? Tune in next week, to find out. Now, wheres Mrs Candell?

What you should be saying, "Does it hurt?"/ "Bitches leave" / "I'd buy that for a Dollar" .... and of course, "Which game do you require?"

*AT's posts have got a bit out of synch.  You can read the Stallone post here.