Monday, 5 July 2010

"I've Come To Take You Back"

The One Where I Ask: WTF Happened To Eddie Murphy, Yo, And Why Is Hollywood Racist, And When Will He Make A Good Film Again, And Are Donkeys Really Evil, And When Is Golden Fricking Child Out On Blu??

Eddie Murphy starred in two of my fave, and most watched films, of my childhood.

1> The Golden Child.

2> The TV Edit of Beverly Hills Cop.


Now, despite those classics, EM is no longer around. Golden Child is regularly voted #1 Film in, "HTF was that a PG?" Charts... Beverly Hills Cop created the Crazy Frog. The guy has a legacy. But why isn't he working? 

HE IS YO! You all shout, pointing to your local cine-multiplex. Well Shrek Forever Fricking After does not count, yo!

HE IS YO! Some of you shout, pointing to his Oscars in Glory, and Taking of Pelham 123... that's racism, yo! That was Forrest Whittaker!

HE IS YO! Some of you shout.... pointing to Ingloriouss Basterrds... but he was never in that, like he was meant to be, yo... and Sly ditched him from that too... Man... that homie needs a break yo. And less institutionalised racism from Hollywood.

"Racisms still alive, they just been concealing it" - Kanye West

WTF happened to the glory days of Harlem Nights... or Holy Man? We want EM back, yo!

Does he not at least deserve that? Does he not deserve another chance, like my man Denzel?

If Golden Child taught us anything... it's that Charles Dance is the Devil, in human form. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 



That we call Charles Dance and arrange a seance, to resurrect Eddie fricking Murphys dead career? Lets do it, yo! Lets break this bitch on down.

Eddie Murphy starred also in one of the greatest Rom-Zom_Coms of all time... Boomerang, yo! That film, fricking rocked, yo. We need him back, fighting off Zombies, (Robin Givens)... it's where that mo-fo belongs. 

Eddie Murphy then starred in the Rush Hour movies, yo. They were whack, but made lots of doe, so EM bought some crack. He sunk low, yo. He needed a hit... and then it came... he beat Whitney up, and landed his dream gig... John Carpenters Vampires! The film was easily Carpenters best since fricking Escape From L.a, so EM was back, yo!

He just needed momentum... and that momentum was... Nutty Proffessor..... Er.... WTF?? What idiot would see that? We want EM beating up the Chinese dude from Big Trouble In Little China dude... HIS CAREER WAS OVER!

So he needed a hit, (again)... unfortunately he was taken in by the lure of the needle, and just lost out to Tupac in GridLock'd, which would have saved his career (again), for sure...

He needed a hit.... and then it happened... NORBIT! 

Eddie Murphy was back, yo!

I'll leave you with one of the greatest music videos ever, yo... FROM THE FRICKING GOLDEN CHILD! I used to think it was called "Body Tore"... It's not, yo.... It's called "Body Talk"! I think mine is better, but there's makes more sense.

Now... When the FUCK is Golden Child out on Blu, yo??