Tuesday, 5 October 2010

The One Where I'm ****ing Ben Affleck

I thought I'd go back to films that provided the soundtrack to my life.

This week, tonight in fact, is The Town. The Ledgers will be watching. And I think it will be film of the year.

So it got me thinking back to my casual obsession with Ben Affleck.

I remember, vividly, coming out of Armageddon, and thinking... WOW.

I looked at Dad, and wanted a reaction. The same reaction. I felt genuinely moved by what I'd seen - in those final scenes. Like I was watching the sort of film I would have made myself, given $200M.

Dad looked at me, and his face said it all. He hated it. He didn't get it.

I quickly wiped the tears from my face, and defended the film for all of five minutes, before conceding defeat.

To this day, I'll defend Affleck. Thankfully, in the last five years, he's mad that really easy.

I will  now attempt to jog your minds. I bet most of you haven't seen three of the films listed here, in order of being made. Bit of a shame, considering they are the best three, no?

Chasing Amy? Second only to Clerks 2
Good Will Hunting? Oscar. Screw you.
Boiler Room? Hands up whose seen it? Exactly. Hang your head. It's brilliant.
Sum Of All Fears? Underrated. Best Jack Ryan out of all of them.
Daredevil? Underrated.
Daredevil: Directors Cut? Even more underrated - like a different film, actually.
Jersey Girl? So underrated it's untrue. At the height of the J-Lo, thing. Shame.
HollywoodLand? Brilliant. Outside shout for the Superman reboot? I'd buy that for a dollar.
Smokin' Aces? Underrated. Great handlebar tache.
Gone Baby Gone? What... he can Direct? Hang your heads, Hollywood.
State Of Play? What... he can act? Hang your heads, Hollywood.

So, it's not all bad, is it? The whole Bennifer thing ruined him for a while. But then he met Jennifer Garner (who I probably would), had two daughters, and is now on a string of home runs.

It's funny, isn't it? How the tabloids, here and in the States, can influence people.

I've never seen Gigli. That's not Afflecks fault. I blame the fact I heard Al Pacino was in it, and that it had ended his career. I can't be watching a hero die. I just won't do it.

So I take criticsm, that I'm skipping over Forces Of Nature, and that John Woo classic... The Killer  PayCheck.

I accept I'm glossing over Reindeer Games (which was so bad, the studio changed it's name to distance it from it's U.S Box Office.)

I accept that Surviving Christmas is no Elf, in terms of Christmas movies.

But you know what? Now?

Now I'll throw the right hook, (Good Will Hunting - he writes!), the left hook (State Of Play - he acts!), and the head butt (The Town - he directs!).

And you'll go down quicker than a $5 hooker.

I even wrote a song for him... Here.